The Good News

Risperidone withdrawal (and readjustment) comes in “waves and windows.” Windows of feeling okay, waves of feeling like wet trash on a hot day. The idea is as you finish the withdrawal or readjust, that the windows become longer and longer and waves become less severe.

So, I’m having a good day today and I feel like a human being. Yay!

The Bad News

Because of the windows and waves, I have learned repeatedly that just because I have one good day that doesn’t mean I will have a good one tomorrow. Entirely too many times I have thought, “this is it, I’m over the hump!” Only to find out I was not anywhere near the hump. There is no hump at all, in fact. My suffering is indefinite.

The bad thing about windows and waves is that it’s an elegant medical way to say, “there is no way to know you will feel in an hour. No one knows. Life is chaos.”

When I have gotten a window, I have been trying to enjoy it, do the things I haven’t felt well enough to do lately, and really be thankful that I got it at all. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel utterly defeated sometimes when the window passes and I am plunged right back into fight or flight and feel like I cannot move off the couch for my own safety.

Conclusion

Maybe this window won’t be as short as other ones I’ve experienced. Maybe the entire day today will be a good day. But maybe I shouldn’t get my hopes up.