There are so many individual things I hate about job hunting, it’s hard to pick a favorite. But the waiting is probably it. It’s difficult sometimes to look at the calendar and realize just how much time has past since I began this job hunt and I’m still waiting, on just one more thing, to see if I landed a position.

Of course, I probably need to shut up. I am only two months into the search and my recent trips to Reddit have revealed people who have been job hunting for far, far, far longer. One person commented they have been unemployed for 14 months, only for another to commiserate that they have been out of work for 16 months.

I cannot fathom job hunting for that long. The modern hunt is so demoralizing and terrible, people comment they cry every day and feel like utter failures because they can’t land work. It takes a massive toll on your self esteem to constantly be rejected, especially when you have gotten far in the process.

Of course, it gets worse. People post about getting through five or more rounds of interviews only to be told they don’t “strategically align” with the company’s mission. They get laid off from one job, just to finally land a position and get laid off from that one. One people commented that they have spent more time unemployed in the last three years than actively working.

Naturally, the hiring system is wildly broken. I’ve had to research and study how to navigate the process, because you can’t be honest and transparent. You will be asked loaded questions and judged on whether or not you say what they think the right answer is. Which can be different for each person asking the question. You have to be completely safe, completely neutral, and sometimes it seems that mind reading abilities are required.

Sometimes I wonder why we built a world we cannot live in. But the answer is always capitalism and greed. I don’t know what the future may hold, but there has to be a better way.

In the meantime, I am still waiting by the phone for Monday to roll around and I find out my fate. Still applying. Still answering emails. Just in case. Because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it doesn’t matter how confident you feel when it comes to job hunting, there can always be a form rejection letter heading your way.