When I first started at my previous job, last year, it quickly came to my attention that there had been at least three people before me in the role in quick succession. I filed that away as just terrible luck for the company. But then I started to understand why that may have happened…
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I feel so thankful for everyone who has supported me. Everyone who has crossed their fingers while I waited. Everyone who reached out to say congrats on my official New Job Social Media post. Even when things were dark, I felt surrounded by love and I am so thankful for everyone who was a part of that.
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I had an interview for a remote marketing job at a company in California. I was interviewing with the CEO and the marketing manager. This was a fourth-round interview and it quickly became apparent that the CEO didn’t care for my candidacy well before he met me.
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There are so many individual things I hate about job hunting, it’s hard to pick a favorite. But the waiting is probably it. It’s difficult sometimes to look at the calendar and realize just how much time has past since I began this job hunt and I’m still waiting, on just one more thing, to see if I landed a position.
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They emailed me in the morning and I took the first interview slot, which was about two and a half hours later. There’s a chance I was the first person they talked to. Although you never know who you’re up against, I feel like I put that bar on the fucking ceiling.
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I used to be a VIP. I got free shipping. I got a $20 gift card for my birthday. They loved me at Torrid! Now I am a lowly Insider, with no perks to speak of. For literally over a year, I hadn’t purchased anything from Torrid, online or in store.
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I actually looked up how medical malpractice worked earlier this year when I found out that the ENT surgeon who performed my first sinus surgery in 2025 didn’t actually accomplish any of the surgery goals. Unfortunately, medical malpractice basically demands someone is dead or maimed. I am neither.
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Because my Risperidone taper isn’t going that well, I started wondering, what does the future look like? When I drop the dosage again, am I likely to have the less withdrawal symptoms, the same, or possibly more? I Googled this question and then I realized, I didn’t do the math.
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When I was recovering from sinus surgery, which fixed my breathing issues, I realized something: my gums stopped bleeding when I brushed my teeth. Before surgery it didn’t seem to matter what I did, my gums would bleed every time. Not a lot, but always a little.
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I was really excited to turn 40. Granted, my body was falling apart, and I was having so many health issues, I could barely make up enough rules to avoid behaviors that would make me sick, but gosh darn it, I was optimistic. The last few years I had really come into my own and felt like my mental health issues were finally under control. And then everything fell apart.
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Today I begin my Risperidone taper. This one is going to take 3 months. Which is contrast to the last one, which took 5 days, and then kicked me into withdrawal so bad it blew up my entire life. But anyway…
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I started having perimenopause symptoms when I was 38. It started with my hair thinning. A lot. Then came the fatigue, the hot flashes, the brain fog, the confusion, THE RAGE!!!! and it just didn’t seem to stop. But I am now off the birth control and I’m not having any perimenopause symptoms either.
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