And now I have finally become a zombie.

After being off my antipsychotic for about three weeks, I finally couldn’t handle the withdrawal anymore. I was back in fight or flight. I was anxious, not sleeping well, I could barely eat because of vagal surges. I kept thinking this will all just go away. I will wake up tomorrow feeling fine. Instead, I kept waking up wishing I hadn’t.

During the course of my research, I found that tapering off this medication is incredibly delicate because these type of pills rewire the way your brain works. If you remove the medication too quickly your brain gets upset. Really upset.

One study found doing a taper so slow it takes literal months is the best course to reduce or avoid these symptoms. Which, my doctor told me to do a five day taper. So I am rather unsurprised things went so pearshaped.

I’m on day two resuming my normal dose of the medication I fought so hard to get off. But at this point? I don’t even care. I would rather stay on this unneeded medication for the rest of my life than spend another day in that state.

Once I’m stable, and life calms down a bit, I’m sure I can try another taper. But it won’t be anytime soon.