It struck me as sad to see her doing this to herself, not because she loved her body or she wanted to feed it healthy food and move it in ways that made her joyful. But because she didn’t trust herself. But this made sense in a way.
Continue reading
I found out in July that I am not bipolar. This misdiagnosis presented a huge shift in my life. I was excited to tell people I didn’t actually have this devastating illness. But after I started talking about it, I realized something… no one seemed all that happy for me.
Continue reading
I was really excited to turn 40. Granted, my body was falling apart, and I was having so many health issues, I could barely make up enough rules to avoid behaviors that would make me sick, but gosh darn it, I was optimistic. The last few years I had really come into my own and felt like my mental health issues were finally under control. And then everything fell apart.
Continue reading
Once I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, all of this seemed to make sense. Of course, I was strange, I had severe mental illness! My bizarre persuasions were pathological now. But now that this diagnosis has been termed a misdiagnosis, the reality has set in that there are no excuses left. I really am just a bit strange.
Continue reading
Identity is a weird thing. For the last 19 years my identity has included living with bipolar disorder. Two weeks ago I found out that this was a misdiagnosis. I am now slowly running into each and every ingrained thought pattern that doesn’t work anymore.
Continue reading
But then I went to visit my mom’s side of the family, the last time I ever did, and was kicked out of Thanksgiving. I came into that therapy session charged up and ready to unpack my what had happened. The psychologist brushed it off and kept returning to the topic of vegetables and how I needed to eat more of them.
Continue reading
In the midst of feeling like I am barely human, barely functioning, barely able to pretend anymore, an amazing opportunity comes along. Not sure if it will pan out. Not sure if I will be back on here complaining about missed chances in a few days. But having some hope for breakfast is the most filling meal.
Continue reading
My belief in human goodness was so high the test called me naive. Which I’m fine with. That’s the worst thing you can say about me? I’ll take it. Also, for trauma survivors, it’s common to show higher rates of distrust of other people. My distrust was low. I’m not sure how I managed that. But yeah, that’s correct.
Continue reading
Did you have to read this book in high school? I am the Cheese? The main character believes they are the cheese. Because the cheese stands alone. For some reason, my adolescent mind thought that was sheer brilliance and now I have nothing but fond memories of that book.
Continue reading
When I think about it, I never thought the year I turned 40 would be the year I became who I actually am without physical illness and without diagnoses of mental illness that no longer fit. This leaves me only one question now: What am I going to do for 41?
Continue reading
I feel as though I was thinking about the test results conceptually. Now I am right back in survival mode. What do I care if someone labels me one thing or another?
Continue reading
I would picture situations with people approaching me and insulting something I’m wearing or doing. I would put something in my cart and imagine how I would respond if someone came up to criticize me for the item.
Continue reading
You must be logged in to post a comment.